HOPE

Hope is what I'm carrying into 2012.

Hope that change is possible, that God will be true to His promises and that His purposes will be outworked through and in us.

Happy Birthday Jesus

Our family went into the City to see the Christmas Window display after lunch.  Public Tansport was free for the day and Claire came with us.  We got caught in a torrential rainstorm on the way to the station, but it was a great way to spend the day together.  In years past we've just stayed home, the 5 of us.  Not having family in the same state can make it a bit lonely, but this year we had the housemate bash the night before and a great day together as a family.

We went to church on Christmas morning and the sermon was about the gift of Christ.  When we went into the city in the afternoon, there was a homeless man begging next to the Christmas window display.  His name was Sam.  It's so challenging to see a homeless person begging because the situation demands a response.  It's too easy to throw some money into their hat.  I spoke with Sam, but it still didn't feel like enough.  Nothing is open in christmas day, so it's not as if you can go grocery shopping with/for them.  I gave him some money.  I treated him like a person.  I wanted to do more, but I wasn't sure what.  It's something to consider.  I was comfortable on Christmas Day - but was I Christlike?

Housemate Hoorah!

We had a housemate Christmas celebration on Christmas Eve.  We ate a seafood feast and exchanged presents.

Merry Christmas!

Why Did We Think This Was A Good Idea?

Our first instinct when life gets tough is to do something that makes the pain stop.  By living together we're trying to change our "default setting" to when life gets tough, stay where you are and think about how you can change so that change comes to your situation.
I'm really proud of the people I live with because that's exactly what they are doing.  The temptation to blame everyone else and take no responsibility is very real.
I said to Cameron last night, "what we are experiencing now is exactly what we wanted to happen when we all moved in.  We wanted to be challenged and to change."  We just have to keep reminding ourselves of that!

It's all happening here

Life in the house is never boring.  It was my birthday yesterday which was highly exciting for me.  Here are some photos of the decorations which greeted me at dinner time:

I'm aiming to be honest on the blog, so something else has happened this week, too.  Cameron is taking some time out of the house with the aim of spending time with God without the distractions of living with a family.  He moved out last Sunday night and decided not  to make contact with us for a week.  He and Jane reassessed the situation today and decided to continue for another week.  He came for my birthday dinner on Saturday and now we'll see him again at Lifegroup on Wednesday night. 

We have been surprised at how much we miss him.  It was strange on Saturday to have him here as a visitor rather than a housemate.  It's been especially tough for Jane, but she's really done well and has spent alot of quality time with God herself.  That's got to be a good thing for anyone, but especially good when you're missing your partner.

Male Models

As you all know, we are a family with 3 girls. This means that Richard is a star at dealing with tears and tantrums and diva behaviour.   My sister has just had a baby boy, but overall my side of the family is light on when it comes to the male gender.

That's one reason why we're so blessed to have Cameron in the house.  He's modelling a Christian relationship to my girls.  He's giving them a day to day living example of how men are.  And conversely, the girls are demonstrating what kids are like.  And Richard and I are a marriage on show. 

Don't get me wrong, we're not all walking around shining our halo and speaking in tongues!  Part of living together means we get to see the good the bad and the ugly.  There's not much chance to pretend when you're together 24/7.  We get lots of opportunities to practice forgiveness and grace.  Afterall, that's why we all moved in together in the first place.

Happy Birthday

This week it's been Jane's birthday.  Cameron outdid himself by being the best boyfriend in the world (to quote Jane).  He decorated Jane's doorway, organised a pinata, left decorations on the bench and bought beautiful gifts.
Tomorrow night is a family feast which we are cooking to bless Jane.  She is a true delight and we are so glad she lives with us!

It's my birthday next.  And then Christmas.  Celebration is what we do best, so it should be great.

Chandler the Cat - yes, Chandler's a girl

photos by Ruth

In The Garden - Bronte the chicken and our vegies

What's yours is mine, but is what's mine yours?

Share House.....what do we share?  We share the living space, the furniture, the kitchen appliances, chores but not beds, cars or all the food.  (except Richard and I!)  Sometimes we share advice and encouragement and time.  We gave quite alot of thought to what we'd share and what we wouldn't before we moved in. 
Inviting another couple to live with your family means that some things are personal and not shared, but if we don't share other things it's pointless living together. 
Some of the food has names written on it, but mostly it's a case of ask if you want to use something and most times you'll get "yes " as the answer. If we had other children living here I think it would be very different as other kids' toys are not easily shared.  Adults are a totally different story and we're mature enough most of the time to work it out.

The Missing Link

We've found the missing link in the community! Jane has discovered learning the guitar.  Our dinner guest on Saturday night - Rex - was offering advice.  Eliza is chief adviser and Cameron pretends he's not embarressed by the amateur musicianship in the house.

I did think before we moved in (in a fit of sentimentalism) that we'd sing together sometimes.  But I thought better of it - it is soooooo 1970s Christians!  You know, semi hippy with tie dye and home made yoghurt and hairy armpits.  But apparently Jane is going to lead us in song at our next family meeting.  Stay tuned to hear what we're going to sing......

Secrets

Ruth just said to me - write about secrets in the house.....we don't have any! 

Our aim is to deal with issues, not keep them hidden.  I thank God often for Jane who will encourage the girls to come and speak to me about problems.  Our past experience has been that rather than direct kids back to their parents, people encourage secrecy and confidences that are not at all helpful.

We have developed ways to raise issues that are kind but honest.  It's not easy, but its biblical.

Christian Community

As we are all Christians, lots of discussion about faith and life happen in the house.  For the last few weeks we've had a Lifegroup at our house.  It's a more structured time to talk about the bible, pray together and eat.  We did a study for 6 weeks on renewing the mind and last night we looked at faith.  The group is still getting to know each other and will change shape as time goes on.  But so far, it's been a great experience.

In Sickness and In Health

Living in community involves caring for each other in the most basic of ways on a day to day basis.  We look after each others' feelings, we take care of each others' belongings, but what do we do when someone is sick?
I'm responsible for my own family when they get sick.  It's right and reasonable that I take time off of work to care for them when they need me to.  That's what my carer's leave is for after all.  What happens when one of my housemates is sick?  they are adults, responsible for themselves, but we all need some help sometimes....
Thank God for wonderful Mums who step in to care for their adult kids when they are needed.  Thank God for understanding bosses who let me zip home at lunchtime to check on sick housemates.  Thank God for loving partners who come home early to step in and care for sick family members.

Misplaced objects or "You Put Your Hand WHERE?"

Family meetings are proving to be highly entertaining.  Embaressing stories about things I've done usually get told and there are some interesting things we're learning about Jane's sense of direction (where is north? and why is your hand going south?!).  It's becoming traditional to have a feast during our meeting.  We've had Chinese food, a Greek Feast and a Gourmet Dinner thanks to the neighbours.
We've finally got a dishwasher and a new fence and shower screen are on the way.

Next post....yours is mine, but is mine yours?

What Have You Learned In The House?

"In the House" - sounds like I'm a rapper or we're on Big Brother!

Some of the things we've learned:
That it's important to be careful what you say
The chickens are scarey
Ruth doesn't like eating vegetables
I'm learning patience
I've been surprised at how well Jane has coped living with us
and lots of other things....

Entertainment in the House!

It's Cameron's unofficial job to source and bring home excellent dvds for us to watch.  It's been a bit hit and miss so far!  Well, that's my perspective, Richard has been very happy with the selection.  Ruth can't watch any of them.  Eliza can watch some. 
Jane is the junk mail sourcer.  She brings junk mail from her parents' house so that we don't miss out on any of them.
the things you do......

Lessons we are Learning

It's hard to take criticism - especially when you're only 9 years old.  Actually it's not any better when you're 41!  Family meetings are a forum where we can raise irritations and issues and discuss them as a group.  Sometimes its as simple as "whoever keeps putting the wet spoon in the sugar bowl - please stop it" but sometimes it's more complicated. 
I'm hoping that our confronting of issues leaves everyone intact and not feeling battered.  I'm hoping I'm giving my children a model of healthy ways to deal with conflict.  I'm hoping we are giving everyone the permission to be honest and kind at the same time.  I feel these are important life skills.

Spring

The last of the packing boxes have gone, the housewarming is this weekend, the fruit trees are in bloom and we HAVE AN OVEN!!  It's all happening at our house.  Well, really not much is happening.  We've slipped into a routine, everyone has their own stuff to do and its all working well. 
More next week....

Ugly house, brilliant floor plan

As promised - tips on choosing a house to share.

• ignore the decor - the floor plan is more important
• bedroom configuration is important, but having enough living space is vital
• do you need space for 2 dining room tables - think about entertaining people that not everyone knows
• to avoid the overcrowded feeling, make sure there are spaces to withdraw to if you don't feel like a chat
• the kitchen has to be big enough for more than one cook
• are there enough bathrooms/toilets
• are there carparking spaces for more than 2 cars
• does everyone have access to communal rooms without having to walk through someone's bedroom/bathroom/private space

We have an ugly house - 1970s decor - but the floorplan works for the people we have living there.  As much as I can see the potential in this house in terms of renovating, we are only renting it and I have to put a lid on my inner decorator.  There are benefits to renting when you ask other people to share with you that outweigh the need to make the house look like "me".

The Boys Are Back In Town

Well, our men are home again.  There are some very happy women in the house.
It is also our 1 month anniversary of everyone being here together Tuesday. Ofcourse, Cameron moved in first, but this is for all of us. 

My biggest irritation at the moment is the frustration of being a tennant rather than the homeowner.  We just can't get things fixed or change things or hang pictures on the wall.  It makes it difficult to feel settled.  I remember reading that women like to "nest" - make a home their own.  That is very hard in a rented house.  It didn't take long for this feeling to kick in and I remember how much I hated renting last time for this very reason.  We wait for the day when our oven arrives, when the appliances work and we can cook a roast.  Thank Richard for getting me a slow cooker a few years ago because without it I'd be in trouble now!

Next time - things to look for in a house when you're considering shared living.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

We must be settling in - Ruth had a friend over yesterday and we have new friends coming on Tuesday night and another friend the following Tuesday.  We've also got our housewarming planned. 
Having people over is something we always do, but it's taken a while to get back into it.  Not having an oven hasn't helped.  We also haven't quite worked out what to do when one part of the family's friends come over and they don't know the other part of the family.  Our friends have also asked can they have just 4 of us over, not 6.
So, it might take a few goes to work it out.  But then practising hospitality is in the Bible.

Quick update

Well, we've had one night "manless in Seattle".  All good so far.  We will be having less complicated dinner, but apart from that it's just as usual.
My girls are being very helpful; doing extra chores.  Maybe helping around the house is "caught" and "taught"?  They are expressing great concern about me.  Maybe Richard told them to look after me while he was away.  Anyway, it's not all about me!
  

Rest and Relaxation

It's interesting to see yourself through someone else's eyes.

Jane has said that I do too much for my family - too much housework, cooking, looking after them etc and that I need to rest.  I just laughed - resting and motherhood don't go together. 

Jane and Cameron put a question into the question box that we open at family meetings suggesting that we needed to brainstorm things for me to do while they clean so that I'm not hovering and helping.  They make me sit down while they cook.  They don't let me wash their dishes or their clothes.  When we made these guidelines I really didn't expect that they'd happen.  Oh ye of little faith....

This royal treatment has had absolutely zero visible impact on my family.  I, however, am spending alot less time in the kitchen.  At this rate I'll have to start up a hobby!  What can a mother of 3 do between 5 and 6 on a weeknight when for 18 years she's been supervising homework and having little hands trying to "help" while cooking tea? 

Girl Power!

There are 4 females living at our house.  For a long time Richard had to cope with 3 females...he did an admirable job, but I think he's enjoying having a bit more "maleness" in the house.
However, sometimes things get incredibly girlie.  Like when we invite our beauty therapist over to wax the girls or we watch girls movies instead of the footy.
This week both the guys are going away - Richard for work and Cameron for pleasure - leaving the girls to fend for themselves.  Stay tuned to hear how we fare!

relationships

It's interesting how our realtionships are working out in the share house.  So far only my Mum has stayed with us for a week to help with childminding while I was at work in the school holidays.  We haven't had any other visitors while we are all home.  When our family lived by ourselves, we had people over alot.  The girls had friends stay over, people from interstate came to stay.  I think we've been waiting  to settle in before we start doing this again.

Jane is absolutely delightful with Eliza and Ruth.  She gives them time, takes Eliza out with her, listens to them.  It's a real gift to a busy Mum who can't always give everyone the time they would like to have. 

It will be interesting to see how the other relationships develop. 

I See Heaven Before Me

Some people say that God has taken them to heaven.  Personally I don't see the point.  And anyway - I saw heaven enacted before me just yesterday at Dinner Club.

Richard and I started Dinner Club 3 years ago with the "Fish Festival".  It was the Friday night before Good Friday and we invited 2 of our single friends and another family to join us for dinner.  Everyone brought a main course which featured fish.  Since then we've had lots of Dinner Club nights and days together.  Both our single friends are now married (not to each other).  Our group has grown to have a potential of 18 people at dinner.  Each time we pick a theme and someone takes a turn to host.  To me, it's like heaven.  We are a diverse group: different church backgrounds, cultures, family structures, ages.  Sometimes we have communion together and pray, sometimes we just eat and laugh, one time we even sang!  Yesterday was the first Dinner Club that Cameron and Jane have been to.  It looked like they were enjoying themselves. 

Why settle for a vision of heaven when you can have a more tangible expression of God's love and grace towards you in the form of friends who can be God with skin on.....

What other people have said

We've had some interesting responses to what we're doing.  Everything from "great" to "what kind of Christian would allow 2 people who are dating each other to live in the same house - what if they sleep together?" to "you're a better person than me - I couldn't do that!".  But mostly people say "Why?".  Why would you want to do that? 

I don't think everyone should do what we are doing.  It's not for everyone.  5 years ago, I wouldn't have even considered it.  I think we are giving Cameron and Jane a gift, and they are giving us one too.  Their willingness to share life at close quarters with us is precious and I don't think they are getting all the benefits while we are making all the sacrifices.

Basically I really don't care what other people have to say about it.  I haven't invited other people's opinions.  I'm more interested in what God says and our response to Him. 

What I like

There are lots of things I'm liking and even LOVING about our new living arrangements.
How do I love thee, let me count the ways.

I love it when everyone is home together.  We don't have to be doing something all together, but I do like it when we're all home.  Actually I like it even better when we're all doing something together.

I love it when its not my turn to cook dinner

I love it when Cameron lets me drive his car

I love it when its a Saturday and we're all working around the house

I love being all at church together

We haven't been here very long, but I'm sure there will be more things to love, or even just to like.

Patience

We now have a gas supply to the house.  This means we have heating, hot water and a stove to cook on.  It took along time - well it seemed like a long time, but it was 3 weeks - but now it's fixed.  Now we are warm and have hot showers and can use the stove top. 
It tried my patience.
Next week we will be getting a new oven.  Sometime in the next 3 months we'll have a new shower screen, a dishwasher that works and a rangehood that is more effective than the me standing over the cooking sucking on a straw!
I like being with people who are patient with me, but I'm not very patient.
I don't like that we've entered into this venture with friends and things haven't worked out quite like I thought it would.  (yes, I like a plan that works)  I feel responsible to provide the people attached to me with safety and a working household.  All these things not working might mean I haven't provided what I promised. 
Next time I'll talk about what I DO like xx

The purpose of it all

Psalm 139 has always been my favourite, but this year it's been especially pertinent.  Richard and I were raised in church being taught that God is very interested in our character development; that he brings things about to change us, our attitudes, our character to become more Christlike.  The last few verses of Psalm 139 has struck a chord with me in regards to God exposing my reactions and making them more Christlike. 

I don't like it.  It makes me look bad.  I don't like it when people see me in a panic, upset and stressed.  Especially when they are not related to me.  I don't like it, but I know it's necessary.  It makes me take responsibility for my actions and make some changes. 

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me amd know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting"

Having no working kitchen appliances and no gas supply has exposed some ugly parts in me, but it's brought out some gold too.   

And so we moved in!

Cameron moved in first, then our family moved in a week or so later and then Jane moved in the day after us.  We discovered that the rental house had no hot water, no heating, an oven, phone line, dishwasher and rangehood that doesn't work.  Our first test of character - and definitely no comfort!

Starting the conversation

These are the kinds of things we discussed before deciding this was for us:

Personal Space.  Because we have a 9 year old and a 14 year old, we're used to having endless questions, interupted conversations, restrictions on what we do when, what we listen to when they are around, who we have over etc etc.  Our friends are single and childless.  I could see a major potential problem.  We talked alot about this.  We also spent time talking about bedrooms - who was allowed into who's room.

Money.  Who has going to pay for what, when, how.

What was shared and what was personal.  In terms of possessions, appliances, cars, computers, food etc

What we were hoping to gain from the experience.

What would happen if someone wanted to move out before the end of the lease.

We decided to rent a house with our family as the tennants and our friends as residents.  This meant that the space was neutral; it wasn't Fleur's house with Fleur's rules.  It meant everyone had a say in setting up a new household. 

Rosters.  I am a mother by nature, but I can not physically work 4 days a week and cook, clean, shop, nurture and manage a household for 6 people, even if only 2 of them are my kids.  Everyone would need to contribute.

I'm sure there were other things, but I can't think of them now.  Infact, the conversations continue at our fortnightly family nights when we eat together, pray together, have communion together and deal with any issues.

Link to..

http://surrender.org.au/

How did we get from liking the idea to actually moving in?

Good question!  We had lots of discussions as a family about it, but realised that the house we were living in at the time just didn't have the right floor plan or space.  And so the great house search began.....This was an opportunity to move closer to work and school as well as include other people in our family.  We both spent hours trawling the internet, and then all of a sudden it started to "click". 
We knew 2 people who were from our church.  We asked them if they'd be interested in atleast discussing the idea with us.  They said yes.  We had dinner together and outlined the plan.  They were interested, although lots more talking had to happen.  So now we had all the right people, but no house.  We finally found a 6 bedroom place in an awesome location and MUCH closer to work and church for us.  We went from just thinking this would be great to putting in an application and having it accepted the next day! 
Then we had to rent out our house which was massive in itself, pack everything up, have open inspections at the old place and have ongoing discussions about how this would work, who would do what, looking at every foreseeable situation and working through the feelings that come with changes. 
From our initial conversation asking our friends if they'd consider living with us to moving in took 6 weeks.

How it all started

In 2010 our family went to Surrender 10 Conference.  I met a couple with a baby there who live in an intentional community.  It sounded rather extreme to me, but being a person who's up for the "out there" I really liked the idea.  Strangely, I'm also a highly organised person who likes to know what is happening when, so I was absolutely sure I did not have what it took to be able to share all my possessions (but NOT my husband!) and have a fluid routine.  Little did I know what would be happening 15 months later!

Introduction....

When I first explained to someone why my family was going to move into a rented house and share with 2 other single people they asked me if I was insane!  Isn't it our aim in life to become more comfortable, not to make things more difficult?  Apparently this is many people's view - more security, more money, more comfort.  We've chosen a different way.....